Fat Lips and Burning Ears

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His:
The weather has finally improved. Less rain, not none yet, and more sun. (I think I started getting moldy somewhere around the middle of last week.) Found an area that needed fixing on the facia board of the house near the roof. I got up there with a ladder and took some measurements to replace the wood. When I pounded a nail back into the gutter, I got stung on the lip and the ear. Man those yellow jackets hurt!! I had to climb back down fast... those flying s.o.b.'s were trying to sting more. Figured out there was a bee's nest in there. What a mess!! So far I've pulled off some of the board and sprayed poison in there. Some of the bees are still alive and flying around. I've got to do it again. Aaaaargh!! This really stinks!! The bee's are up two to zip so far. But I've got a plan....

Hers:
This whole bees thing is so scary. Hubs got stung and his lip swelled up two times its regular size. His ear hurt for hours. I was so worried with Hubs up on the ladder twenty feet in the air... spraying poison into the bees nest... with his fat lip and hurting ear. Even with the kids helping out it was really risky. All I could think about was a swarm coming out and attacking him and us having to take him to the hospital. The exterminator said he doesn't do ladder work... geez... and Hubs didn't want him to come anyway. He got some of them, but not all. Now he has to do more. I think I'm going to throw up...

Talk:
How do you cope with dangerous situations involving your partner? Are you a worrier, a supporter or neutral?
Share your stories with us here!

Slippers are Better than a Tie

His:
Here we are just a couple of days after Father's Day. I had a great time. The kids bought me slippers, which I really needed... and the wife bought me slippers... Hmmmmm. Is there a message here? I was really hoping for a John Deere riding mower. Aaaaah well, slippers. At least I didn't get ANOTHER tie!! We had a bar-b-que at home, hot dogs, burgers, chips, dip and baked beans. Then we sat around and played some board games and laughed until our sides hurt. It was one daughter-in-laws birthday, so we had birthday cake too!! The only low point of the day was when it started pouring while I was cooking. Luckily we were able to put the BBQ under the awning so I only got wet instead of soaked. A belated happy Father's Day to all you Dad's out there. Anyone get the John Deere riding mower this year? If you live nearby, I'd love to try it out!

Hers:
Father's day was fun, but so wet and yucky!! It poured on and off all day and the kids didn't know what to do with themselves. We had a bar-b-que anyway, although I offered to take hubs and the kids out to a restaurant. He wanted a "regular" bar-b-que and it's his day, so we cooked in the rain. I realized just before we were about to get started that we didn't have any chips or dip, so off to the store I ran. Made it back in the nick of time. Made baked beans with sausage in it and a big salad. After the squall and dinner we all sat inside... it was too wet to go out... and played board games. That was fun!! We celebrated one daughter-in-law's birthday with a cake. Everyone got a piece and they took home the rest. Sooooo glad. I certainly don't need any cake in this house!! I don't need to eat it, just rub it on my butt!! Hubs got a pair of shearling slippers for the winter from me. They were soooo soft, mmmmm. He got a pair of summer slippers from the kids. Very tasteful. I think he really appreciated their thoughfulness. All in all it was a good, but wet, day!! Glad we had fun, but we should've gone to the restaurant. Oh well, maybe next year! Happy Father's Day everyone!!

TALK:
Couples often disagree on how to spend holidays and family events. A good way to avoid problems is to take turns letting each partner have their way. For smaller holidays, like Father's and Mother's Day it's easy to see how to decide. For more complex holidays, like Christmas or Hanukkah, family traditions need to be included in the decisions as well. Try sharing holidays by alternating years or family traditions.

How do you share holiday decisions with your partner?
What have you learned that helped you accomplish your sharing goal more easily?

Is Silence Golden?

His:
We watched the fireworks recently on the 100th Anniversary of the Queensborough Bridge. I took what I thought was a great shot of us at the end of the night, smiling, having fun. But then the comment came... Ever take a photo you thought would be really great only to have the wife comment that she thinks she looks fat in the picture? Now I don't know, but I think that by now we should have invented a camera that takes OFF ten pounds!! Imagine how wonderful it would be to never have to endure that same old question again? Or the long pause while I consider the possible benefits of stretching the truth vs pretending to be deaf? Or the inevitable remark I have to make... "No honey, you look great!" She gives me that... I don't believe you... look coupled with the saccharine sweet smile. Either way, I'm screwed!!

Hers:
Watching the fireworks from the Queens side of the river on the 100th Anniversary of the Queensborough Bridge was really beautiful. Hubs brought the camera and a tripod to shoot pictures of the display. He was so excited, setting up his toy, having fun with the different settings. It was a spectacular display. I thing Hubs took about 150 shots during the fifteen minutes. At the end the wind was blowing hard. He took one last shot of us before we scooted off the pier and back to the warm car. A couple of nights later we uploaded the photos to the computer. The fireworks were stunning. I was non-plussed to see the shot of us. I looked so much heavier than normal. He looked great. Jeez! I guess it was the angle at which we posed. I really wanted to delete the shot, but hubs liked it so much I left it alone. I think while he's sleeping I'm going to go in and edit it to cut off the parts below the waist. I hope he won't remember that the picture was larger. Don't tell...

Talk:
When partners encounter about a sensitive issue, like weight, small comments can be painful. Sometimes it is best to be silent. But, a gentle yet truthful answer gives the partner who needs it a view of themselves from the outside. There is no right answer. Empathy and kindness are the rule of thumb. We want to be supportive of our partners efforts to practice self care, but at the same time we must weigh the virtue of the old adage, silence is golden.

How have you been supportive of your partner in this way?
Do you have a question you would like to pose to the group?

Meat N Potatoes and Lobster

His:
Had a rough day at the job. Everyone was cranky. (that was cleaned up!) Had to remind my crew that we are the service department not the complaint department!! Listened to the men talk about their gals at home. They all said the same thing. They want meat and potatoes a couple of times a week and lobster once a week. (you realize they aren't talking about food here...) I thought about it. Why is it that its so easy to connect in the beginning, but then later it seems to get put on the back burner? It's not like the guys don't try anymore, but lots of times they think the gals seem to be distracted, too busy, or maybe bored?



Hers:
It was a crazy day around here. The kids were fighting. (major aggravation) Once they settled their disputes things calmed down for a while. I was able to get in some work (thank God) and even a couple of loads of wash. Can't understand what happened to the fridge... I just shopped a couple of days ago and there's NOTHING to eat. Ran to the store for some dinner. Got back just in time for round two. By the time the kids settled down Hubs was home. He had a crappy day, I could see it in his face as he got out of the car. He cracked a smile at me and said, "So how was your day?" I thought about telling him, but didn't think he really wanted to hear. "Fine." (freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional!) That really said it all. He fell asleep during the news and went to bed early. Oh well. More laundry ahead!



Talk:
Many times partners find little time left for each other with all the responsibilities of work, family, kids and chores. It can take a toll on the relationship. Planning ahead for date nights, taking time out to take a walk together after supper, relaxing alone for an evening... these small efforts pay big dividends keeping partners in touch emotionally despite hectic schedules.



How do you keep emotionally engaged in your relationship?

Share your ideas with HisNHersTalk and help the community of partners keep their relationships alive.

Karma works!!

His:
Okay, so I get home from work and the wife wants to have a friend over for dinner. My gut reaction is to say,"WTF are you nuts? I'm dog tired. It's not a weekend!! I just busted my butt at work all day!! I really just want to take a shower, eat dinner, veg out in front of the TV, scan the channels, watch a game, maybe get lucky... and go to bed early." But, I think... I figure if I agree nicely it'll come back to me... you know, karma and all that. So I agree. The kids are all here with their friends, playing PS3 upstairs and making a racket. Just about when I'm ready to ask them to simmer down, they head out for the night. Whew!! Her friend is nice enough and the rest of the evening goes by pretty well. Lucky for me the night ends at a reasonable time and I get to hit the sack early... etc... Karma works!!

Hers:
Today was a busy day. Ran some errands in the morning, had a client in the early afternoon. Found myself on the phone with a single friend who hasn't had any work in a while and is struggling. Tough economy. I figure we all need to eat anyway, so one more person for supper won't make much difference. It's nice to help others when you can. Hubs came home from work looking tired and dragged out. I told him we were having my friend over for dinner. He had a funny look on his face for a moment, seemed distracted, then said, "Sure, okay." It was busy around here with the kids having friends over, playing video games and laughing upstairs. A bit after dinner the kids started heading out for the night and our friend left to go home. Hubs was obviously tired but so sweet all night. I wondered what he was thinking, but he didn't say anything much when I asked. I made sure he got to bed early so he could rest after such a hard day. (Wink!)

Talk:
We all have times when we compromise. Relationships flourish when we make accomodations for our partners in small ways on a daily basis. When we make frequent small deposits into the bank account of our relationship, we have a balance of good feelings there to back us up when we need to make a withdrawal.



How do you make deposits in your relationship?